


If All This Was Easy, It Wouldn't Matter How It Ends

by baconnegg



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: 5+1 Things, Backstory, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Established Relationship, Fanboy Phil Coulson, Feel-good, Feels, Headcanon, M/M, Multi, Origins, Pheels, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 04:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baconnegg/pseuds/baconnegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five headcanons about Phil Coulson's childhood, plus one about his adulthood.</p><p>Based on my ninth request fic that I just put up. Title is from "Tina's Glorious Comeback" by Dan Mangan, which is a very good, sad song that has nothing to do with this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If All This Was Easy, It Wouldn't Matter How It Ends

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Request Fics](https://archiveofourown.org/works/487350) by [baconnegg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/baconnegg/pseuds/baconnegg). 



> You know what happens when I'm on vacation? A buttload of fics, that's what. I’ll get back to my last request fic and the Superhusbands Family Drabbles as soon as I can. But I might be a while because of school things.
> 
> All my love!

1.

The pretty brown-haired girl on the trampoline is Izzy (short for Elizabeth, but call her that and you'll regret it). She's Phil's best, and only close friend, from halfway through middle school and throughout high school. Izzy is the id to his ego. She's a second-generation flower child, loves rock music, and is just reckless enough for it to be contagious. She gets Phil to try new things and learn how to take risks. Phil gets her to calm down and learn how to listen. Rather ironically, their relationship is remarkably similar to Steve and Bucky's, though Phil doesn't know anything about that at the time.

2.

Coulson was a very withdrawn child. He was quiet and nerdy and smart, so he got the "sissy" treatment from the other boys. He quickly learned what to do so that he might be ignored, rather than targeted. But it stands to reason that being ignored did more damage than a thousand insults might have.

To this day, he's surprised that someone like Izzy would ever chase off people she was usually friends with, pull his skinny seventh grade ass out of the locker, and help him clean his defensive wounds with tap water and Kleenex. He's even more surprised that she comes home with him on the bus and during a lull in the conversation, snatches his _Captain America #181_ out of his backpack and reads it with great interest. On that day, Phil thinks that perhaps, not everyone in the world besides his parents thinks he's a loser.

She's the one who pushed him to go for stage manager even though he was only a sophmore. That particular experience was the birth of his trademark Phillip J. "Don't fuck with me" Coulson attitude.

3.

Izzy's not happy when Phil says he wants to join the military. At first, she thinks that the stage manager thing gave him some wrong-headed notions about control. It takes a while to get her to listen to his reasons. Phil doesn't want to kill people, he doesn't want the big paycheck, and he's not keen on being a brainwashed drone. Pining after his hero isn't good enough, he wants to be just like his hero. The world's pretty fucked up, and making it a little less fucked up for the good people in it is a worthwhile effort.

That kind of altruism is something Izzy can get behind. The discussion finishes on one of their many weekend road trips out of Boston (Izzy has a cool older sister with waterfront property and a somewhat-functioning 1958 Plymouth Savoy, Phil has parents that trust him enough not to die or get anyone pregnant). They're perched on the hood of the car and talking like they always do. After her third beer, Izzy promises to name her first child after him, so that his legacy will live on even if he dies on deployment. Phil's only had point-five of a beer, so he doesn't put much stock in it.

4.

David Copperfield stuff: Phil has a rather good home life. His mother is loving and supportive. She's all about counter-culture for most of his childhood, and while aspects of that may have added to his bullying and isolation, it also let him learn not to try and be someone else.

He also likes to think that she taught him to think outside the box, which is a useful skill when you work with Norse gods on a regular basis.

His dad was a nice man who knew how to motivate him in the right ways, no matter if the task was learning to walk or going to church or graduating with honours. But unfortunately, his time in Vietnam had done some irreparable damage. Phil felt like his father always kept him at arm's length, and his death only exacerbates those feelings. His time as a Green Beret, eventually, helps him understand it.

Phil lives in the same house from babyhood to when he leaves for college. Because of that, he tends to "nest" wherever he is. All his apartments, offices, and field offices are set up exactly the same way.

He loves the Beatles and Cap-era big band music, but can tolerate Izzy's preferences even when she blasts "Carry on My Wayward Son" five times in a row.

Izzy gets her big growth spurt nice and early, so she gets to be tall and mature and gorgeous through high school. Phil feels embarrassed standing next to her at school, because he doesn't fill out till junior year, and before that looks like "a chicken wing with all the meat picked off" (his words).

He used to have healthy eating habits, but they died the second he started buying groceries for himself. Same with his television watching preferences.

Phil tells Izzy on a senior year beach trip that when it comes to being attracted to people, he's not picky about gender. Izzy says that that makes him "a Sunday Bloody Sunday," because of her inexplicable crush on John Schlesinger (her parents looked at movie ratings the way we look at iTunes terms and conditions, which is to say not at all). For whatever reason, that term strikes Phil as absolutely hilarious. Anyone who's dared to smarmily ask him which team he plays for get that identifier, a smile, and nothing else.

5.

Phil has three great loves in his life. His first is Captain America, and that begins when he is very young. It's pure and idealized and uncomplicated. Cap frames his morals, outlook, and even his manners. Everything good he does in life, he does with the thought at the back of his mind that if Cap was watching, he'd smile and approve.

And despite how Tony likes to tease him, Cap wasn't the sole aide to his teenage sexual exploration. He looked at Falcon just as much, and he only let himself look at the comic books besides. There was fiction and there were real people, and fiction was perfectly safe.

The first love leads him to the second, because Izzy is not only tolerant, but very appreciative of his love for Captain America.

Phil loves Izzy, not in the way everyone else thinks. They get the boyfriend-girlfriend taunts right from the beginning. He loves her not as a romantic partner, but as one half loves another. They believe in each other and talk to each other and never, ever make fun of each other, outside of playful teasing. She gives him those happy high school memories he thought only existed on TV.

Quiet Coulson is only briefly popular with the ladies at the junior and senior proms, for being a good dancer (He's not, really, he just happens to be light on his feet). Izzy was his "date" to both. Among other reasons, being an observer and never a participant builds it up in his head that love is complicated and problematic and something for later or never. Especially the physical part because Jesus Christ, where do you even _begin_ with any of that stuff?

Izzy finally gets wind of this anxiety when they're sixteen and out in the country for a weekend. Like the better half that she is, she helps him out. Phil's first kiss is unexpected, but not nearly as scary and complicated as he'd built it up to be. She spends the next few years encouraging him to find someone he wants to have his second kiss with (with eventual success). He spends the next few years feeling confused and guilty over the hard-on he'd gotten that night (1970's sex education was barely educational).

His third love has the silent, steadfast morality and rugged sexiness of Captain America, mixed with Izzy's sometimes endearing, sometimes frustrating childishness and contagious enthusiasm. He's also Clint, a whole other individual, and that's why Phil loves him unequivocally. But it's those first two loves that let him look into Clint's eyes and feel whole.

+1.

Phil and Izzy stay in touch after they go away to college, but Phil goes on his first deployment at the same time Izzy takes a year off to circumnavigate the globe and they lose each other's addresses. Phil treasures their time together, but he's really glad that there's one less person waiting on him to come home safe from a mission. He simply cannot deal with people worrying about him, worrying about people is _his_ job.

Years and years later, when the Avengers assemble and New York is saved, Phil thinks of Izzy. He's sure she saw it all on TV and is trying to find him on Google to call and see if his fanboy dreams came true. Unfortunately, he's too tied up at that moment to do anything. But much later, when things are back to (Phil Coulson's version of) normal, he finds her instead, early on a Sunday afternoon. Thank god she answers the phone.

"Hello, Izzy. It's Phil Coulson, I was just-"

" _Oh my god!_ Do you know how long I tried to track you down for?! After what happened in New York?"

"I thought you might have. Really sorry about that, my life's been a little crazy for a while."

"It's fine! So have you gotten to meet him yet? He does a lot of public appearances, you know. You could get him to sign your cards!"

"Yes, actually, I work with him." A long silence. "Izzy?"

"You're one of the men in black, aren't you? I _knew_ that's what you'd be if you ever got out of the military."

"How'd you figure that?"

"Come on. If I didn't know better, I'd say Agent K was your dad. It suits you to a friggin' T."

"I'm inclined to agree."

"Wow, your accent is totally gone now. You sound really different."

"You sound exactly the same. Maybe both of us were too stubborn." Shared laughter. "So, how's life?"

"Great! I live in Portland, got a job as a costume designer, married a really great guy. Super cute and nice as hell. We have a daughter, Pippa, in college now. Time flies, man."

"It does indeed. Wait, Pippa as in-" Phil laughs abruptly. "You never change, Izzy."

"Hey, I'm a woman of my word. Even if it's a drunken word. What about you? You married yet?"

Phil looks down at Clint, sound asleep and with arms wrapped tight around his waist. "Damn near. I've had to take it a little slow with my really great guy."

"Toldja you'd find one. Is he cute?"

They talk for some time, filling each other in on details of their lives. After a lot of chatting, Izzy goes quiet for a moment. "We're probably not gonna talk like this again, huh?"

"It's not that I don't want to, I do. It's just-"

"No, I get it. You work side-by-side with Captain America, for chrissakes. I can't imagine what kind of crazy shit happens in your life on a day-to-day basis. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."

Phil sighs loudly. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to put you through anything difficult. But maybe we could send the occasional email? A little 'Hey, I'm alive. Happy belated whatever holidays I've missed since last time. What's up?'"

Izzy laughs loud and high, it makes Phil smile. "I'd be totally cool with that." A long pause. "Phil, are you happy?"

Phil looks at Clint snuggled on the bed, his work suit hanging in a dry cleaning bag on the door, a drawing the Captain had given him for his birthday framed on the wall. "I'm very happy."

"So am I. Could you try and like, stay that way, for me? I mean, as best you can when you're not being shot at and stuff."

Phil bites his lip. "I'll try if you try."

"I will." Another laugh. "I gotta go now. It's been wicked awesome talking to you. 'Bye, Phil."

"Same to you. 'Bye, Izzy." He hits the 'end call' button, sets his phone on the side table, and stares off into space for a while.

Clint wriggles around like a caterpillar before opening his eyes. "'Morning."

"Afternoon. Hey, remember when we called you my 'cellist from Portland?'"

Clint laughs roughly, rubbing at an eye with his fist. "Yeah. Why?"

"No reason. I just remembered it and thought it was funny."

**_ FIN _ **


End file.
